A friend recently came to visit who is contemplating a third divorce. Another friend lost their spouse and best friend three years ago. A long time client is concerned about their adult/child who is just not finding himself; he's thirty-four years old. Another client is estranged from their brother; they haven't talked in years. Another client spends his days putting out fires at work, with his college age kids, with his aging parents; how does he create some time for himself? What is the shared message? They, ALL, are stuck!! They, ALL, are losing their days forever. They, ALL, are missing out on their dreams and memories. What's happening to them?
One, Life doesn't allow for a replay, a reverse or a "do over". We've all heard "What if you died tomorrow? What would you do differently today?" Honestly, none of us has the time to dwell for too long in the past or to carry around quilt, anger, blame, sadness, envy, depression or pride. There comes a point when we all have to move forward, out of these secondary emotions, or they will wash over our lives like a giant wave of negativity. Literally, drowning us and taking away our chances for joy, the opportunities for wonderful memories and, actually, making time pass faster, since everyday is the same, we aren't creating any new memories or relationships. Are you doing basically the same things every day, every week? Have you tried to think of how these hours could be different?
Two, as you've heard before, you have to create your Life or Life will create itself for you. Time will continue to pass; the days will go by with nothing significant happening, so that they all seem to run together. Staying in a routine is one thing, but not allowing for spontaneity is another. It takes some effort to make the time to be with family and friends, but it doesn't have to be complicated or difficult. Where's the laughter? Where's the excitement? Where's the curiosity? Do you have anything to look forward to? Move out of that comfort zone; out of that routine; out of that chair!!! Do!! Be a part of life!!
What are some special talents or experiences you could share? Give of your time; you definitely will be rewarded twice fold for being involved. Nurture the connections you have and make new ones. Don't just stay with your generation, look to those younger and older for connections. Sometimes you can learn the most from those you expect the least from.
"It's never too late; that's why they invented Death"
-Walter Mathau Movie: "Out to Sea"
Carolyn Bates is an ICF Certified Personal Life Coach
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